Familius

Human Capacity

What are our limitations? Consider what the human family has accomplished over the last decade:

Transport at least five people in an internal combustion or hybrid vehicle at least 40 miles while enjoying a safe, comfortable, temperature-controlled environment and listening to their favorite music or talk show via satellite—all for around $3.50 cents;

Deliver a multi-ton payload by space shuttle to an orbiting international space station approximately 200 miles above the Earth;

Provide one terabyte of portable information that holds approximately 500 hours of broadcast video, 150 hours of high-definition recordings or enough text that it would take all seven billion Earth inhabitants speaking at the same time at least five minutes to say—all in a box the size of a small wallet that costs around $100; and

Build a submarine that can safely transport a curious filmmaker to the bottom of the Mariana trench, approximately seven miles below the Ocean surface, where water pressure is around eight tons per square inch.

The human family is the most unique species on the face of the planet, limited only by its curiosity and creativity. If we open our eyes to the impossible, it is not hard to believe that we can eventually solve the most challenging obstacles confronting us.

What are you doing to experience the impossible?

“Success is determined by those who prove the impossible, possible.” —James W. Pence

Kids are Like Trees

I stood under a tree today in a rainstorm as my daughter climbed it and then strategically shook the limbs to shed the rain onto my head. Perhaps I would have done better to join her in the branches. I thought of the song "Branching Out" by John Gorka:

When I grow up I want to be a tree
Want to make my home with the birds and the bees
And the squirrels, they can count on me
When I grow up to be a tree

I'll let my joints get stiff, put my feet in the ground
Take the winters off and settle down
Keep my clothes till they turn brown
When I grow up, I'm gonna settle down

“Raising a kid is like growing a tree. You can trim it, but it's still going to branch where it wants to.” —From Where's My Elephant? by Rick Walton forthcoming from Familius this fall.

What is a Miracle?

“Miracles” by Walt Whitman

Why, who makes much of a miracle? 
As to me I know of nothing else but miracles, 
Whether I walk the streets of Manhattan, 
Or dart my sight over the roofs of houses toward the sky, 
Or wade with naked feet along the beach just in the edge of the water, 
Or stand under trees in the woods, 
Or talk by day with any one I love, or sleep in the bed at night 
with any one I love, 
Or sit at table at dinner with the rest, 
Or look at strangers opposite me riding in the car, 
Or watch honey-bees busy around the hive of a summer forenoon, 
Or animals feeding in the fields, 
Or birds, or the wonderfulness of insects in the air, 
Or the wonderfulness of the sundown, or of stars shining so quiet 
and bright, 
Or the exquisite delicate thin curve of the new moon in spring; 
These with the rest, one and all, are to me miracles, 
The whole referring, yet each distinct and in its place. 

To me every hour of the light and dark is a miracle, 
Every cubic inch of space is a miracle, 
Every square yard of the surface of the earth is spread with the same, 
Every foot of the interior swarms with the same. 
To me the sea is a continual miracle, 
The fishes that swim--the rocks--the motion of the waves--the 
ships with men in them, 
What stranger miracles are there? 

“There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

—Albert Einstein.  

Who Has The Responsibility?

At Familius we believe that the family is the central unit of society and that societies are only as healthy as their families. We believe that the significant issues and challenges facing our world will not be solved with better legislation. On the contrary, we have little confidence that governments can legislate their way out of problems that unhealthy human behavior got them into in the first place.

For example, in 1962 when the US government decided to declare war on poverty it allocated just under one percent of its GDP to this issue. This amount equaled close to 200 billion dollars. Forty years later we now allocate more than four percent of our GDP on eradicating poverty. This now equals close to 650 billion dollars. The result? We are still just under 19 percent of our society at poverty level. Nothing has changed except the amount of money and percentage of GDP spent.

This is not a condemnation of the policies that seek to improve the situation or of those that suffer from economic malaise, personal disability, uncompetitive educational policies or any other challenge that fosters poverty.

The point is that society will improve when individuals and families consistently learn and engage in healthy behaviors that stimulate true growth, intellectually, socially, physically, and economically.

The responsibility to teach those behaviors rests with families not with governments. 

Share Your Ideas

Paul Arden, the famous advertising executive, said, “Do not covet your ideas. Give everything away and more will come back to you.” 

In his book It's Not How Good You Are, It's How Good You Want To Be, Arden explores many ideas about fulfillment and creativity. He suggests that following the normal pattern we see in school and business of holding on to ideas, believing that the more you protect them the more power you have, is not only incorrect, it reduces you to a stale shell of yourself. “You end up living off your reserves,” he says. 

By giving everything away, including your ideas, you are left with nothing. This paradoxically forces you to innovate and create, “. . . to replenish.” 

By holding, coveting, protecting we became old, passé and has-beens. By sharing all, we become empty but open, clean and fresh, ready to receive and learn. 

By sharing your creativity and ideas you'll find they will come back to you, often a hundred fold.

“Ideas are open knowledge. Don't claim ownership. They're not your ideas anyway, they're someone else's. They are out there floating by on the ether. You just have to put yourself in a frame of mind to pick them up.” —Paul Arden

Envy, A Gift that Keeps Giving

Envy is a most unique attribute. It’s pernicious in its generosity. While we all suffer when we experience some misfortune, envy just keeps giving. As Jeffrey Holland, the former president of Brigham Young University, said, “. . . envy requires us to suffer all good fortune that befalls everyone we know! What a bright prospect that is—downing another quart of pickle juice every time anyone around you has a happy moment.”

Envy is particularly damaging to families in that we focus our finite attention and capacity toward people and things that have nothing to do with our own happiness. Our focus on envy teaches our family that fate handed us the short end of the stick. This conditions our family to view the world that way, often destroying the very potential we want to nurture.

We focus on fairness, not realizing that each has his or her share of misfortune and that happiness and joy is not predicated on things or even situations. It’s predicated on our accurate perception of the world and our choice of what to do about the situation in which we find ourselves.

Instead of being jealous that fate has wrought kindness on someone, recognize and find joy in your own providence.

It takes a bit of work, but it’s far sweeter than pickle juice.     

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

When I was a child, my mother would comfort me by signing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" from The Wizard of Oz. I hated the movie, particularly the flying monkeys, but I loved the song and still do to this day.

As a teenager I discovered "Simple Gifts" written in 1848 by Joseph Brackett, a Shaker elder who lived in Alfred, Maine. Both of these songs spoke to me, particularly the hope that dreams can be realized and that the simple gifts are those that come when we are happy with ourselves, particularly our ability to love each other.  

When my cousin was tragically killed, Steven Sharp Nelson, a cellist, accompanied my other cousin and new age composer Paul Cardall at the funeral. It was there that I became acquainted with Steven's facility with the cello and his playful interpretation of the most meaningful music.

Imagine my surprise to discover that Steven and his friend Jon Schmidt wrote a piece that brought "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and "Simple Gifts" together.

We hope that you will enjoy this version of two of our Pater Familius' favorite pieces and think of all the simple gifts you've been given and find that strength that will help you make all your dreams come true.

How to Listen

Today’s guest blog is from the Lessons From My Parents project. We encourage you to participate by clicking here: Lessons

My father is an amazing person. He grew up a poor Texan with an amazing worth ethic and a genuine love for people. I have had the privilege to learn from him and emulate his characteristics which just are not seen very often in today's world. Of all these traits I've seen, the one that I hold most dear is the importance of listening.

From my father I've learned that you can't really get anything done unless you first take the time to listen. Whether it be for instruction, learning, or something as simple as a being the shoulder to cry on, listening is the key. How often do we engage in a task given to us before listening to how said task should be carried out? How often do we miss out on life lessons that are meant for our benefit due to an I-know-more-than-you attitude?

I had the opportunity in my church to hold a calling that had asked of me to visit friends of the faith that had fallen away. On one such visit, we sat down with a friend of mine that was going through a rough time. Everyone else that had visited him before had an attitude of “Why aren't you coming each Sunday?" It became apparent to me that this approach was pushing my friend further away.

When we visited him, I asked him about his life, his ambitions and goals, and made it more of a friendly conversation than a guilt trip. As it turned out, this person immediately opened up to me, began recounting the reasons why his life had taken its current path. All my friend needed was for someone to let him tell his story, someone to listen and acknowledge him with a smile. Shortly thereafter, he regained that desire he once had, and I could tell he was again happy. I didn't have to put any effort into it—all I had to do was listen.

These days it seems like the vast majority of people don't just think they have the answer, they think they are the answer. Maybe it’s because information is just one click away, but I've noticed a decline in patience, long suffering, understanding, and compassion. It just makes sense that these learned behaviors are failing because no one takes the time to listen anymore. I am eternally grateful that my father passed along this ability to me by being a perfect example of a great listener.

—Jonathan Choate, ID  

Actions and Words

What’s the most positive method to influence your family?

Your example.

The father or mother who says, “Do what I say, not what I do” misses the paramount responsibility of having a family and that is creating a positive model for another generation to embrace and expand.

By choosing a path that uses more actions and less words, our families quickly identify what is important and what is not. Then when you do speak your words add testimony to your actions.

If you preach and lecture without providing a correlated example, the hypocrisy is evident and your integrity is questioned. And when integrity is questioned so is respect.

And why would you follow someone you didn’t respect?

"Men are respectable only as they respect." --Ralph Waldo Emerson

It's About Time

People including your family don’t necessarily care why you can’t do something. What people care about is what you can do.

If my son asks if I can play football with him and I say no because I have to work, what he hears is, “No, I can’t.”

If you haven’t taken your spouse on a date for three months because of your caseload, what your spouse hears is, “I can’t.”

However, if you take time, even a few minutes each day, to spend with your family and to say, “Yes, I’d love to. . . ” what they’ll hear is, “You are important to me and I love you.”

Then, when you have an important caseload, they’ll understand and give you the time you need. They’ll know that you’ll return and be with them because they are important and you love them.

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." —J.R.R.Tolkien