Familius

Creating Memories

Many years ago the Pater wanted his children to discover the power of books. One night he turned off the television and opened J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings. This was well before the films.

He began in a slow, methodical voice, “When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday with a party of special magnificence, there was much talk and excitement in Hobbiton.”

The children gathered around him that night and listened to the Pater read. He read no more than four to five pages and promised more the next night. On the next night he turned off the television and began, “That very month was September, and as fine as you could ask. A day or two later a rumour (probably started by the knowledgeable Sam) was spread about that there were going to be fireworks…” Again the children gathered and listened. And again the next night and again the next night and so on until after one full year, the Pater finished reading the entire trilogy out loud.

While the book was fantastic and the exploration of books life changing, the time spent together as a family was invaluable. The memories are forever. What memories will you create with your family this week?

“The world is indeed full of peril and in it there are many dark places. But still there is much that is fair. And though in all lands, love is now mingled with grief, it still grows, perhaps, the greater.” –J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Family Visits

One should always live close enough to family to visit, but far enough away that you don’t have to.

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” —George Burns

When to Advise

Some of us love to advise others. A word of advice on advice: When tempted to say something to someone else regarding their life ask yourself these three questions:

1.      Is this person within my direct stewardship? (child, employee, spouse, family member, etc.)

2.      Will what I have to say benefit them?

3.      Will they listen?

If you can answer any of the three questions with “No” we recommend you keep the advice to yourself. If the answer is “Yes” to one and two but “No” to three, then your job is to wait. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

“Wise men don’t need advice. Fools won’t take it.”  —Benjamin Franklin

Where Are Your Muses?

For millennia creative ideas and inspiration were believed to come from the muses or gods or creative spirits. Poets and artists invoked their muse to ensure inspired creativity. Inspired creativity has always aligned with Deity. In fact, when medieval Muslim artwork was particularly inspired, audiences would chant, “Allah, Allah, Allah!” signifying that God has revealed himself through the art. This continues today from the Moor’s influence on Spanish life: the Spanish cry “Olé!” finds its etymology in “Allah” and reminds us of how great art is always inspired.

If the muses found an artist worthy of their gifts, the ideas and genius would distil upon her. The artist’s job was to show up every day and work, continually invoking their muse, never knowing when she'd be touched by the divine and perform an inspired work. Often a lifetime could pass before the artist created something that truly inspired the audience to believe that God had revealed himself.

Family life is no different. Families are inspired by the divine. To have a great family, one must show up every day, never knowing when the effort and dedication will be sufficient for a touch of divinity. And when it does, we can take comfort knowing that our job was to show up and try. And in trying as best we could, our muse was eventually satisfied.

“I’m not in control of my muse. My muse does all the work.” —Ray Bradbury

The Eagle and The Salmon

Today's post is from Evan Gentry of Ladera Ranch, California and from the upcoming book Lessons From My Parents, which will be released to stores in May 2013. We welcome additional submissions through October 31st. Learn more at Lessons From My Parents. 

I loved going to work with my dad. We lived on an island in Alaska and my father’s job involved traveling to different parts of this intriguing place. When school was out, he would sometimes take me with him. The adventures would always include breathtaking scenery, and occasionally, wildlife such as deer, bears and eagles.

On this particular outing, we drove on a dirt road that wound several hundred feet up along a bluff overlooking the blue ocean. As we turned a corner, my father gasped with excitement as he pointed down to the water. What I saw thrilled me, but also caused me great confusion. Hovering just above the water was a beautiful American Bald Eagle with its enormous wings flapping strenuously. Despite the tremendous effort, the bird remained stationary and unmoved. It appeared as if something was holding the eagle’s claws from beneath the water.

Sensing my bewilderment, my father explained that the eagle had caught a large fish, likely a king salmon, and had the fish clenched in her claws. Because the fish was too large for the eagle to carry away, she remained there flapping her wings to stay above the water and to avoid being pulled under. I told my father that it must be a dumb eagle because she wasn’t smart enough to let go. After a short pause my father said, “We will see.” We drove on our way to attend to the matters of the day.

It was several hours later that we drove back and passed the same bluff where we had first seen the eagle. I could hardly wait to see what had become of her. Would she still be there flapping her wings? To my great astonishment, the blue water was gone and what remained was a brown mudflat. Then I saw her, standing in the middle of all the brown, the large eagle and a partially eaten king salmon. The salmon was nearly the same size as the fully-grown eagle.

I then realized that the eagle knew that the sea waters would retreat as the tide went out, and that she would have a grand feast if she could only hold on to this fish long enough. Sure enough, she had. As I watched in awe, my father took the moment to teach me a great lesson about work and perseverance. He explained to me that some things in life can be very hard and difficult, and can even seem impossible, but if we can hold on and keep our heads above water long enough we can accomplish great things. I will never forget the site of that eagle enjoying its feast after so much effort, nor will I forget the lesson taught to me by a wise father.

Build Her a Pedestal, Really.

You may think this is a metaphor. You’d be wrong.

I am actually recommending that you harvest a large piece of marble and place her on top of it. For the nine months of pregnancy (or however long you have remaining), her name should be exalted. You shall write poems in her honor and dress her head in laurel wreaths.

I’ve come to believe after many “convincing conversations” with Mrs. Dude that even the most empathetic dad-to-be is simply unable to conceive of the turmoil and tumult that comes when another being takes up residence inside your body cavity.

I suspect that you’ll question this or disagree. Perhaps even strongly. At some point, you’ll say something to your partner like “I understand” or perhaps suggest a manner to relieve her discomfort that you discovered on the internet. You’ll think you’re providing “I feel your pain” empathy and all she’ll hear is “poor baby” sympathy.

That night, when you’re Googling “nearby flower shops” and “marble quarries in the United States,” I want you to think of me. 

From Dude to Dad: The First Nine Months by Hugh Weber of dudetodad.com, forthcoming from Familius. 

NickMom, What Are They Thinking?

Nick Jr. is a pay-TV network with programming developed for 2-6 year olds. Nick Jr.’s website claims that the programming is a  “safe, educational place” showing “curriculum-rich preschool shows [kids] love.” Ironically, every night the channel’s demographic of toddlers and kindergarten children are provided programming containing explicit profanity, references to sex, genitalia, and breasts, and demeaning and cynical attacks on children and families.

As Christopher Gildemeister wrote for the Parent Television Council, "The attitude propagated by NickMom can be seen in the network’s own promos, aired during commercial breaks and between programs. Typical promos include:

A teenage girl shows her mother how to use Facebook. While her mother talks on the phone, the girl posts an image of the mother flashing her breasts at a Mardi Gras celebration. The post receives dozens of “likes,” as the girl smirks – thus sending the message that sexting is fun and makes one popular.

Two mothers talk. One says, “Someday, you’re gonna have sex again. And it’ll be with someone you really like. Or maybe not!”

On-screen text displays “The First 3 Thoughts That Go Through Your Mind When The Principal Calls”: “If I leave now, I can be in Tijuana by nightfall,” “How much is that military school exactly?”, and “SH*T! SH*T! SH*T!”

A rapid-fire sequence of alternating images is shown: a close-up is shown of a woman’s cleavage, and the image is then “flipped” upside down to become a baby’s rear end; in another “flip,” the word “boob” becomes “poop”; and a baby bottle filled with milk is replaced with a glass of wine."

The most disturbing messages, in Familius' opinion, are the incessant references about how having children leads one to drink and that family life ruins a parent's life. The viewing community has posted many comments including:

“I put Nick Jr. on for my kids at 7 p.m. while my husband and I did the dishes. My kids were exposed to vagina jokes, penis jokes and female orgasm jokes. One joke I heard had to do with a woman shoving her kids up their grandmother’s vagina. And this channel was created for kids??” 

“I am infuriated that Hollywood keeps pushing the concept that parents have to get drunk because they regret having children. I do not want my children thinking I don’t love them and need to drink alcohol after dealing with them. The statements, crudeness, and downright nasty talk of the women on NickMom sickens me. Why spend all day airing shows teaching children how great it is to love, share, be kind, and be a family....and then tell kids their parents don't even like them?” 

 “I just want to thank NickMom for showing my 2½ year-old son a woman stripping with her shirt off. I had changed the channel to what I THOUGHT was safe programming for him. I didn't wait for the channel to come up…only to walk back into the room moments later to the horror that was on TV.”

What's the point? While perhaps some mothers and fathers have found the stress of family life significant and challenging, media messages that suggest threatening children is appropriate, sexual promiscuity is acceptable, and drinking heavily is the natural result of having children, is a message that is unequivocally wrong. 

Familius contends that happiness is found in family life where the family nurtures respect, love, forgiveness, education, and wholesome recreational activities. The power of each family is within itself to accept the mainstream point of view of what is natural and acceptable or to opt out and confidently provide an environment that raises a family to be respectful, polite, moral and civilized members of society. 

To read the entire PTC article go to http://www.parentstv.org/PTC/publications/TVTrends/2012/1012.asp. 

Human Capacity

Yesterday in the blog Knowledge versus Wisdom we wrote that the amount of information available today is 315 times great than the grains of sand on all the beaches of the world combined. This was 295 exabytes of data. What’s ironic about this is that we believe that this information is overwhelming. However, our collective ability to process this information has doubled every eighteen months.

Are we near saturation point? Hardly. To put it in perspective, if we attempted to store the name of every star in the universe we could currently file only one percent. Nature’s ability to store and use information is far beyond our current capacity.  

This should give us hope that as time goes on and with the wisdom to use information in productive ways, eventually we will accomplish great good in our lives.

“To exercise at or near capacity is the best way I know of reaching a true introspective state. If you do it right, it can open all kinds of inner doors.” —Al Oerter 

Knowledge versus Wisdom

Researchers reported that there was now 295 exabytes of data floating around the world—this is 29,500,000,000,000,000,000 pieces of information, which is 315 times more than the grains of sand on all the beaches on earth. We have access to more information than any person who ever lived before us. One hundred years ago, a person was fortunate to discover and read 50 books in a lifetime. Today you consume in information on average 174 newspapers, each 85 pages long, each day.

The issue is not how much information are we able to access but what we do with it. Knowledge is accessing the information. But wisdom is to know what to do with it. A family is the fundamental platform to help society understand how to effectively and productively use knowledge to create positive change in individuals, communities, nations and the world.

Knowledge is to understand that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is to know not to put it in a fruit salad. 

Struggle and Strength

Many years ago in a moment of frustration, I vented to my step-father that life continued to be more challenging. He looked at me as if he were disappointed and said, “Of course it does.”

His point: If we expect to grow, our experiences must outpace our earlier experiences or we cannot learn anything new. As I read in a book recently, “I trust there remains an effectual struggle to be made.”

Enjoy the struggle. It will make you and your family strong.

“Don’t handicap your children by making their lives easy.” —Robert A. Heinlein