Familius

Veteran's Day

Looking for a stapler one day I rummaged through my stepfather’s desk drawer and found a file of old World War II photographs. I flipped through them and found images of him with fellow soldiers on the islands of Iwo Jima and Saipan in the Pacific. He was dressed in Air Force attire looking relaxed. There was a photo of him outside his tent and another inside (a photo of Jane Russell over his bed). The photos were black and white and showed the same smile, the same wavy hair, but a much younger, slender man.  There were dog tags around his neck and a packet of cigarettes on the cot. In one photo you could see the ocean in the background, the water lapping at beaches that only weeks before pulled dead soldiers back and forth with the tide.

He rarely brought up his experiences in the war, only once talking about how he had called in, as an air traffic controller, US fighters as Japanese Zeros came buzzing over the island. He said that one pilot was shot down on the runway, crashed, and walked away on two broken ankles. He laughed when he told the story.  I later watched Ken Burns documentary “The War” and was held spellbound as I listened to first-hand experiences of those who fought on the war front and the home front. It was an unbelievable experience. Burns made the film when he learned that, on average, more than 1,000 veterans were dying every day from old age. He wanted to film it before they were gone to tell their stories.

My stepfather is a man who listens much and speaks less. He finds great joy in pranks and fun. He is patient and loving and looks for the best in people. You often don’t know what he is thinking. If he criticizes it’s soundly deserved. He is always willing to serve others. And when something unpleasant happens, he can laugh when no one else can find any humor.  

I wonder what impact those days on the war-torn Pacific islands had on him. Is he patient because he understands he’s not in control? Does he find humor in the difficult because that’s how he coped? Is he critical because someone is unappreciative of what they have when he saw so much lost?

Yesterday we honored our veterans by closing schools, banks, and government offices. It was a holiday. How many remember that holiday used to be Holy Day, a day to remember sacrifices made? For at least two generations, war was not an occupation they could choose. War has now become so politicized we don't don't even know how to think about it, other than the increase in defense spending.  War is a costly occupation. It leaves a mark that can last a lifetime.

How do we honor veterans, particularly our family members?  

Meet Your Immigrant Neighbor

In our busy lives, many of us live in communities where we barely know our neighbors. We may say "Hi" in the elevator or in our driveway, but chatting barely goes beyond the weather. Some communities constitute mirror images of their homogenized residents. Other communities are like Noah's Ark composed of a babel of languages, and two or more cultures from every country on our planet. Do you know them?  Have you bothered to learn why they left their homeland? What they went through to get here? Who are they?

Immigration is at the forefront of the challenge that faces Washington, DC. What do we do with all these immigrants?  Try to remember back when your ancestors first came to this country. Unless you're an American Indian, they all arrived here from somewhere else. Whether they came on the Mayflower in 1600's as criminals or radicals for religious freedom, or they arrived from Ireland starving from the 1840's potato famine, or Russia 112  years ago because of the Russian Revolution, or ravaged Viet Nam forty years ago, or Sudan's civil war twenty years ago, or last week from Egypt, Syria  or Afghanistan. They struggle with the English language, but they wave to you; many escaped with nothing, literally, yet they smile at you; most have been through hell to get here and are grateful. Even those professionals in medicine, law or education have stories to tell. 

Take time to meet your immigrant neighbors and make them feel welcome. It required a lot of courage to get here.

We invite you to read Your Immigrant Neighbor, an upcoming book by Karen Hamlin, forthcoming this spring from Familius. 

Lesson Learned

One afternoon, a few years ago, my oldest grandson and I were watching TV; the 3-year-old relaxed in a miniature recliner and I seated comfortably on the sofa.  During a commercial he got up and walked toward me, right fist upraised, palm front, thumb folded across his fingers.

Not being familiar with all of the new superhero signals on the current cartoons, I returned the unfamiliar salute and inquired, “What’s that?”

The young one slowly pointed to a previously unnoticed speck on his right thumb and calmly informed me,  “’at’s a booger.”

Sometimes, maybe, we look a little deeper than is absolutely necessary.

Your Family Brand

Brand awareness is an important principle in business and marketing. People focus tremendous time and dollars to manage their brand to establish loyal consumers and reap large profits. It requires a vision, a positive mission, and adherence to true values. The brand becomes sacred and, if intelligent and wise, a company will educate its entire workforce to never drift from its mission or the values that reinforce the brand, whether that brand invites you to “reach out and touch someone”  or enjoy that “frosty mug sensation”.

Whether you realize it or not, you and your family have a brand. It might be “We help people” or “We encourage education” or “Music hath charms to sooth the savage breast”. Your brand could also be “I don’t’ give a &$%#!” or “They should take care of themselves” or “I don’t have time”. 

Each moment of your day your actions reinforce your brand. And at some point your brand will either return emotional profits or emotional losses. What is your vision? What is your mission? What are your values? What is your brand and what do you want to be known for?

“My greatest strength is common sense. I'm really a standard brand - like Campbell's tomato soup or Baker's chocolate.” –Katherine Hepburn

Managing Expectations

Frustration is the result of unrealized expectations. One option is to lower your expectations. Another option is to manage your expectations.

By lowering your expectations you can feel accomplished and less frustrated but it may be that you are living below your potential.

By managing your expectations appropriately with realistic timeframes and resources you can lower your frustration level and achieve a higher level of living.

Both options can reduce frustration, but over a lifetime, only one option will leave you fulfilled.

“I've come to believe that all my past failures and frustrations were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy.” –Tony Robbins

Create Positive Change

We all want our lives to be better. We want a better job, more time, smarter children, twice as much money in the bank, no debt, a new car, our team to win, our putts to drop, our bread fresh, our drinks cold, our shoes comfortable, and a new coat. And we expect our political party to make that happen.

It’s either a new day or the same day depending on how you voted. Rather than wait for the Party to improve your own party, focus on what you can do to make your life better, your family’s life better, and the world a little better.

There’s no better time than now to create positive change. Begin something, even if it’s no more than a kind word to a stranger.

“When faced with a challenge, look for a way, not a way out.” —David Weatherford

The Power to Vote

Some say that the role of President of the United States is the most powerful role in the world. Today, if you haven’t voted already, you have your choice of candidates. We encourage you to vote. By voting, you say that you have a voice in how your country is run. Familius does not endorse any political party. We believe that all citizens should study the issues facing our countries and vote for good, moral, honest, intelligent and hardworking candidates who most closely align with our personal beliefs of good government.

This requires an educated understanding of good government and we encourage you to study the documents that frame our country, most particularly the United States Constitution. Familius contends that the Constitution is an inspired document that has separated the United States from all previous attempts at establishing a working Republic. To function, this binding document requires citizens to have a moral foundation.

John Adams stated, “Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.”

Morality, or the defining principles that govern a society, seem to shift from generation to generation, moving forward and background relative to a particular generation’s point of view. However, Familius contends that moral truth can be found and all successful enterprises, governments, schools, societies, individuals, and families succeed based on learning and following moral truth. Like the values that define good mission statements, moral truth is immovable and does not change.

Further, because Familius believes that the family is the central unit of society and that government’s role is to protect that institution rather than redefine it, we should ensure that our candidates, both regionally and nationally, should have as their core foundation an appreciation and understanding of the national importance of family. Family is more than a social issue. Family is an economic issue. The stronger we make our families, the more educated and contributing members of society our countries will have. Strengthen the family and you will strengthen all aspects of your society.

The issues facing the world today will not be solved through legislation and more government programs. They will be solved through education found at the feet of good and moral parents interested in instilling their children with a respect for God and country, not nationalism, but a responsibility to make the world a better place for all. Not discrimination, but an understanding that we are one human family and our individual decisions have impact well beyond ourselves.

Familius hopes that regardless of what candidates win and which political party prevails, that those who run our government will make wise decisions to help all people have life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. 

Kindness is Strength

 I teach my children, “It does not matter who is right. What matters is who is kind.” I strongly believe that issues, from world peace to neighborhood arguments, from family contentions to matters of personal integrity, could be better solved if people were simply kind. This applies doubly in areas hit by conflict or disaster. Across North America we watched as Sandy approached hoping for the best while preparing for the worst.

As I listened to and read stories this week of the relief effort in the Northeast following the devastating superstorm, I was repeatedly impressed with kindnesses shown to perfect strangers. Simple kindnesses lifted sufferers, and people did the little things. From a person sharing light from a cell phone in a darkened stairway, to another who allowed others to plug into his extension cord to charge their phones and let loved ones know they were alright, to the many relief workers and organizations sharing their time, money, and supplies with people who lost their homes, to rescue workers evacuating and helping those in danger, kindnesses abounded, and I am sure will continue as recovery begins.

There are those who would have you believe that kindness is weak, but it is a great strength.

So, I repeat Scott Simon's words from NPR’s morning edition this past Saturday, "When the going gets tough, the truly tough are kind."

What is Friendship

"A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you." --Elbert Hubbard

Worth Fighting For

Familius is fortunate to connect with people who inspire, educate, and make the world a better place each day. Recently, we connected with a group called The Power of Moms. On their site they shared an inspiring story of a woman diagnosed with cancer at 35 who, in spite of numerous health challenges, successfully raised three children and left a legacy any would be proud of. One of the daughters submitted a more fully developed story to our Lessons From My Parents book, but this blog will give you an appreciation of how wonderful and marvelous the world is. Strength and beauty and goodness are all around us. We just need to look. 

Please read the story at Worth Fighting For.

“A mother's happiness is like a beacon, lighting up the future but reflected also on the past in the guise of fond memories.” —Honoré de Balzac