Familius

Soul Surfer

If you haven’t seen the film or read the book Soul Surfer you should. It’s the true story of the young surfer Bethany Hamilton, who lost her arm in a shark attack. While the film has all the requisite feel good moments and necessary conflicts of an inspirational film, what is inspiring is how her family grows alongside Hamilton and begins to know when to push, when to back off, when to speak, when to listen, when to help, and when to get out of her way as she learns to cope from her tragedy and remake her life.

As family members we have a role to play and that role is to know each other so well that we have the wisdom to help when needed and when to allow a loved one to struggle.

“Courage, sacrifice, determination, commitment, toughness, heart, talent, guts. That's what little girls are made of; the heck with sugar and spice.”  ― Bethany Hamilton

A Better Man

The year is passed. A new year has begun. What will you do differently this year to make yourself, your family, and the world a little better?

“Be at War with your Vices, at Peace with your Neighbors, and let every New-Year find you a better Man.”  —Benjamin Franklin

New Year's Resolutions

As you consider your New Year’s resolutions, think about what’s good, what’s better, and what’s best. While completing a triathlon or finishing that novel are good objectives, ask yourself what, by the end of the year, would make for a better relationship with your family. Having family goals and not just individual goals can help you far more than you realize. Ask yourself, what’s in it for them? If you can answer that, you are on the right track.  

“It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.” ― Ernest Hemingway

The Operative Word is Love

When you believe a loved one is lost and there’s nothing you can do about it, you are likely to begin making decisions that alienate him further. Our point of view dramatically influences our conscious and unconscious decisions.

Regardless of a loved one’s choices, the operative word is “loved”. Focus on that and those things that disappoint you will fade to the background while your loved one will eventually draw closer.

Real love seems to always be the answer to most anything. 

What Happened to the Spoons?

As we have a large family whenever we purchase something it is in bulk. A few months ago, we had 16 spoons. Today we have three. We guess as to where they are—by the river, in the sandbox, under beds with bowls ringed with ice cream residue . . . we really have no idea. For Christmas dinner, we drank out of plastic cups. We have 24 of these, our third time buying cups in bulk. Where are the others? We're not sure. And why plastic?  We learned long ago that anything breakable will break. There’s no use cleaning it up if you can avoid it altogether. Sleep? This is one area that we can't find in bulk. We wear a pin that says, “Sleep Is For The Weak!” Three to four times a week, we are awakened by a child needing a drink, a hug, lotion on a toe (we don’t understand this one, either), tiptoes down the stairs to watch a movie, or a teenager deciding that getting up at four am is an appropriate time to study for his history exam, or a teenager coming home far later than he agreed to. 

We are caretakers of little people, helping them and preparing them for the world. It’s not an easy job. And we wonder if we’re up to the challenge. We’re happy to buy more spoons, use plastic cups, catch a fifteen-minute nap here and there, and wait up for a straggler.

 It’s a family and we wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

Family...It's about Time

It is snowing, six inches and climbing. While not everyone has snow or experienced that most wonderful of things—a white Christmas—we can all take time to enjoy our family. I cooked eggs with ham and potatoes this morning for a family breakfast, played basketball with two of my sons, went sledding with four others, played a video game with another, had an all-out Nerf gun war with all nine of our children, and then took the twins for a snowmobile ride. We finished the day reading picture books by a warm fire.

Family. . . it’s not about the things or even what you do; it’s about time together. What did you do with your family today?

Merry Christmas

May your home be a home of peace. May your table and pantry be full. May your work be fruitful and enjoyable. May your heart be filled with love, and may your family be together. 

Merry Christmas

Christmas in the Trenches

In December of 1914 nearly one million soldiers and civilians has died during the five-month-old war. The armies of the Allied and Central Powers were deadlocked across a series of hand-dug trenches that stretched more than 400 miles from the English Channel to Switzerland. Along the western front it rained every day, filling the trenches with freezing water nearly five feet deep. The scene was grim. The conditions were unfathomable for the soldiers and death was all around.

Then, on Christmas Day, across a wide battle field, the British heard a lone German soldier begin singing “Stille Nacht” (Silent Night). In the gloom the soldiers saw lit candles glowing through the smoke. More German voices joined and soon the air was filled with the German’s singing this sacred carol.

Not to be outdone the British sang a carol of their own. The German then sang another. And the British one more. They cheered and applauded for each other and soon greetings of “Merry Christmas!” were heard and invitations to “Come over here!”

Cautiously, the two armies climbed from their trenches and walked into what was called No Man’s Land, the shell-pocked ground between the two armies. They greeted each other with handshakes and communicated through translators, halting language, and at times drawn pictures. They traded chocolates, cigarettes, German cigars, and photographs from home.

They then joined in a football match with makeshift balls, the Germans pitted against the British and then the French. They shared corned beef and took pictures. One soldier recalled, “that while you were eating your turkey I was out talking and shaking hands with the very men I had been trying to kill a few hours before? It was astounding!”

For hours they put aside differences and made friends, realizing that they were not so different after all. Tragically, the Christmas peace did not last. Soldiers returned to their sides and the war continued for another four years, costing humanity more than sixteen million lives.

For many of the soldiers that day forever changed them. It was said that in certain areas of the front those facing each other had to be sent to the rear, as they couldn’t kill each other.

This Christmas, put aside any differences you may have, walk boldly into No Man’s Land, and meet your enemy, your friend. 

Magical Christmas

There is snow on the ground, and a bite to the air.

So I'll button my coat, and take my steps with care.

Christmas is here.  I have friends and family to meet.

Soon I'll be full from all the ham and sweets that I'll eat.

I'll bring my special gifts to share,

to show each person how much I care.

Christmas is about giving;

but also about loving, sharing and living.

I'll stand in the doorway, with my head full of snow,

hoping that he'll notice, I'm waiting under the mistletoe.

And with his kiss, he'll put my heart aglow;

and say "It's a magical Christmas."  And I'll answer, "Yes, I know."

A Soft Answer . . .

Nothing good ever really comes from arguing. Debates can be healthy when exploring multiple decisions, but arguments—not so much.

Arguments tend to be when both parties want to be right. Voices are raised, blood pressure rises, and the flight or flight response ensues. If not controlled quickly, things can be said that are hurtful and, worse, tempers can be lost to the detriment of the relationship.

To improve family relationships consider two concepts:

“Seek first to understand then to be understood.” —Steven R. Covey

“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” –Proverbs 15:1