Familius

How to Teach

When you are trying to teach your family something and they just won't listen, you have a few choices:

·        You can teach louder, hoping that your LOUD voice carries the message;

·        You can teach softer, hoping that your whisper will be heard;

·        You can be more clever and catch their attention with some fancy object lesson; and

·        You can wait until they are ready to learn what you have to teach.

The truth is that regardless of how loud, or how soft, or how clever you teach, until someone needs the information and really wants to learn, it’s hard to teach. Be patient.

"When the student is ready the teacher will appear." --Buddha

Family Ever After

"Happily ever afters don’t just happen, they must be made. There will be unforeseen bends and bumps. No marriage or family is free from exhaustion, financial struggle, argument, disappointment, tragedy or heartache. We all have mornings when we wake up and wonder, “Who is this person I married, and what have I gotten myself into?” Maybe things in your family are good but could be better.  Maybe you feel like your family is broken or maybe you think they are so annoying you can’t stand to be with them. Maybe you’re depressed, or you always feel exhausted. There are numerous difficulties and detours on the road to ever after. Whatever your personal situation, the good news is there are things we can all do to make the burden lighter, to be happier, and to have a stronger, happier family."

From Family Ever After: Simple Ways to Achieve Perfect Happiness in an Imperfect Family by Michelle Packard and releasing this April from Familius. 

Practicing Social Jujitsu

A trick to being likeable, and everyone wants to be liked, is to practice social jujitsu. This requires you to be interested rather than interesting. When you meet someone, quickly and subtly turn the conversation back to them. They will speak about themselves, their family, their job, their hobbies, and, in doing so, will believe that you are the most fascinating person they encountered that day. They will go away grateful to have met you.

This is also true with your family. By working to be interested in their lives rather than being interesting to them, you’ll come to know them better, serve their needs better, and they’ll know that you are one of the most wonderful people they know. And while it’s jujitsu, it’s still true.

Negative Self-Talk

When you say to yourself, I’m not good enough and I will never succeed, you are disconnecting from your inner support system. In math terms, negative means subtracting, making into a minus, taking away from. Negative self-statements are no different. They take away your inner support at the moment you most need it in a challenging situation when your capacities should be at their peak. . . .

Negative messages are not the truth; they are distortions, because these kinds of statements tend to be global and blown out of proportion. I’ll never succeed. I can’t take tests. I don’t have what it takes. While there’s always room for healthy self-criticism, these overly dramatic statements distort the real picture. They suggest that something is wrong with you, that you are defective, a certified loser and you might as well give up, none of which would bear up under the evidence (you got this far, didn’t you?). Distortion is one way that we disconnect in our minds. We make grossly negative self-statements, we imagine the worst, and then, of course, we want to bolt.

from A Teen's Guide to Success: How to Be Calm Confident and Focused by Dr. Ben Bernstein, publishing in May from Familius

A Healthy Family

If you want a happy family it helps to be healthy. After a recent family bout of the norovirus, I have found that illness is the great equalizer.

A healthy body allows you additional energy to do those things you want to accomplish. A good way to improve your energy is to improve your fuel, the fuel your body needs to run. Try this crazy experiment for one week. Instead of eating processed foods for breakfast, whether Poptarts™ or sugar cereal or even bacon and eggs, try blending almonds, water, a banana, a carrot, a celery stalk, a cup of berries (blue, raspberry, strawberry, etc), an apple and a cup of spinach or kale. Add some honey. Drink. Tell me if you don’t feel significantly better in mind and in body after just a few days.

A healthy body helps a family be happy.

“Let food be thy medicine, thy medicine shall be thy food.” —Hippocrates 

Panic Attack?

A reporter asked me this morning how to keep from panicking when starting a new business. I said, you don't, especially when you have a family to attend to. But there are some skills to help manage through the process. Here are five.

1. Have a clear vision of what you want to accomplish with the new business. Having a clear vision provides you with a destination that, regardless of the obstacles you will encounter, can be fixed in your mind. Everyone gets a flat tire or needs more gas, but if you know where you are going, you'll eventually get there.
2. Write everything down: The dullest pencil is better than the sharpest memory. By writing all your ideas down and capturing them on paper in a notebook, you can refer to them in moments of panic and be reminded of what you want to accomplish.
3. Prioritize: Prioritization is the saving grace of a busy life. Taking time at the end of the day to prepare tomorrow's work and prioritize it allows you to focus your energy on what to do rather than what's not getting done.
4. Meditate. Whether through a walk, private meditation, prayer, etc, take a moment each day to center your mind and allow your subconscious to speak to you. 
5. Breath: When we panic, our response is to hold our breath. This leads the body physiologically to think it's dying which creates more stress and panic. It can become a negative spiral. When feeling frustrated, place your feet squarely on the floor and take three cleansing breaths. Consciously remind yourself of your vision and refer back to your prioritization list. Focus. Everyone can get distracted, which can lead to panic. The trick is to reboot.

What does this have to do with families? When the entrepreneur is panicked, the family can multiply it, and that panic is exponential depending on how many are in your family. 

“I don't hide my feelings, but when it comes to illness, I guess I don't panic. My father was the same way. I'm the provider for the family and the caretaker. If I panic, who is anybody going to run to?” —Curt Schilling

Solutions to the World's Problems. . .

A few years ago a western paper reported on an anti-violence summit which focused on the tragic issues of abuse throughout the world and within families. The paper directly quoted a few comments made during the summit, including:

·        “A society that views graphic violence as entertainment . . . should not be surprised when senseless violence shatters the dreams of its youngest and brightest . . . .

·        “. . . Unemployment and despair can lead to desperation. But most people will not commit desperate acts if they have been taught that dignity, honesty and integrity are more important than revenge or rage; if they understand that respect and kindness ultimately give one a better chance at success. . . .

·        “The women of the anti-violence summit have hit on the solution—the only one that can reverse a downward spiral of destructive behavior and senseless pain. A return to old-fashioned family values will work wonders.”

It’s a repeating theme, but the solutions to the world’s problems will be found in strengthening families, teaching and exemplifying respect and kindness for all humanity and God’s creations. 

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.” —Jimi Hendrix

Parenting: Keeping It Real

“At 1:00 you’re going to a local photo studio for a formal family photograph.  Your kid needs lunch, but you’ve learned that feeding any semi-solid food to a child under five automatically means a complete change of clothes (for both kid and yourself).  So you carefully avoid pudding, Jello, yogurt, ice cream, Spaghetti-o’s, applesauce, peanut butter and jelly, mashed potatoes, canned fruit in juice, cereal in milk, etc.  But you learn rather quickly that some foods normally considered 'solids'—like graham crackers—can easily cross into the semi-solid category.  Lunch is over, your kid looks like a pig after a good wallow, and the clock now reads 12:34.  ARE YOU READY FOR THIS!?”

                                                                            --from Glad to Be Dad:  A Call to Fatherhood by Tim Myers

When Your Family is Sick

In a large family if someone gets sick, you are in for a long ride of care and comfort. Last evening it began with throw up on the stairs, and then:

On the floor,

On the table,

In the sink (we were grateful for that),

In the bed,

On the bathroom floor,

In the tub (not sure what to think about that),

On the stools,

In the sleeping bag (an act of desperation) . . .

But we have work to do and classes to attend and people to call and laundry to do (the original laundry), and errands to run, and . . .

Sometimes your family takes you for a ride. And it’s not a fun ride. Best thing to do is reprioritize. Family comes first and the work, the classes, the calls, the laundry (not the puked-on laundry), the errands will have to be postponed.

“’Tis healthy to be sick sometimes.” —Henry David Thoreau

Setting Family Goals

There are a lot of articles circulating about goals and how to accomplish them. These articles focus on business goals, fitness goals, weight loss goals, bucket list goals . . . At Familius we have yet to read an article focused on family goals. Here are five ideas to help you begin setting family goals for 2013:

1.      Hold a family council each week that allows for discussion on what the family needs and wants are. This is an opportunity to explore what matters most and what you can do to help the family succeed. For specific information on family counsils, please read Cynthia MacGregor’s article Family Council, Family Business;

2.      Set a specific date for a family vacation. While taking time as a family each week is important, finding some get-away time to build memories is key to a successful family. Better yet, find a week each year that can be the traditional vacation so that as children grow they can continue to look forward to this time of year, even when they are married and have families of their own;

3.      Create a Family Night: A family night is one night each week that encourages the family to get together and learn, play, and strengthen their bonds. If religious the family may begin with prayer. Usually the father or mother leads the family in some helpful life-lesson instruction, a game, and provides a treat. These family nights usually last no more than one hour, but are wonderful ways of scheduling family time;

4.      Date Night: If you are married, set a goal to take your spouse on a date each week. This should be on the same night at the same time each week to help consistency;

5.      Education: In your family council, pick something that you’d all like to learn or do, like be scuba certified or speak Italian or cook Indian food.

By setting and achieving family goals you will find that your accomplishments bring an added joy because your family did them alongside you.