Familius

Understanding Teenagers

A week ago we posted that I  learned when my son asked me for my opinion on his artwork, what he really wanted to hear was, "That's great. I love it. Good job." 

So, when he asked me last night for my opinion. I said, "That's great. I love it. Good job." He grew frustrated and said he wanted to really know what I thought. I responded, sincerely, "It's great. I really love it. You are really developing as an artist."

He grew more frustrated and demanded I criticize the work artistically. I looked at him and weighed the ramifications. I then said, "Well, I really do love it and I think it's great, but I think that the ear is not in the correct position."

My son went ballistic. "What do you mean it's not in the right position!?" He then proceeded to prove to me it was perfect. So, I said again, "I really love it. You're right. It's perfect."

He continued to brow beat me on the positioning of the ear. I continued to nod and agree. 

I'm beginning to think that there is no right answer. Maybe that's the lesson, that teenagers are programmed to argue and we might as well enjoy the debate because no matter what we say, it's going to happen. 

I Am a Child of . . . .?

We have worked hard to teach our children that God lives and that they are his children. We do this so that they grow up believing that there is more to life than what they see and that they have more capacity than they realize. We want them to be inspired to build a better world. So, when one of them begins to sing "I Am a Child of God" and then begins to act like he's either downed eight Red Bulls or is possessed, we wonder . . . 

Find joy in your children, even when they embarrass you. Laugh, not just because it helps, but because children really are that funny. 

Familius Partners with AWB

We are pleased to announce that Familius has partnered with American West Books (AWB), one of the primary book distributors of titles into Costco, Sam’s Club, Whole Foods, and other retailers. Under the agreement Familius will relocate its headquarters to Sanger, California and Christopher Robbins, the president and founder of Familius, will become the CEO of AWB.

Please click here to read the entire press release:

Impossible?

For anyone feeling a little discouraged after a tough week working, raising kids, dealing with family challenges, here's a thought from Audrey Hepburn:

"Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!"  —Audrey Hepburn

I Have Two Fathers

Throughout my life I have had to introduce two people as my father. When I was six years old, my parents divorced. When I was eight both of my parents remarried. At recitals, swim meets, conferences, church meetings, weddings, parent-teacher conferences, and other events I’ve had to say “This is my father. And this is my other father.” It’s like, “This is my brother Daryl and this is my other brother Daryl.”

 It confused my teachers when ten minutes after they had already talked to Christopher Robbins’ father, a different man would come in and introduce himself: “I’m Christopher Robbins father.” Sometimes people would look at my tall stepfather and say, “You know, Christopher doesn’t look anything like you.”

I’ve worked to treat both of my fathers equally. Each has brought something unique to my life, and I have benefited from the two-father experience. Both have loved me. Both have taught me. Both have been concerned over my maturation and success. Both have been there when I needed help, and both have provided unique examples to emulate.

So, during our week celebrating fathers, I celebrate being the son of two. I’m lucky. I’ve had two good men helping me become a man.

For more information on succeeding in a step or blended family, please see Grandparenting the Blended Family, releasing this fall from Familius. 

Fatherhood

Our social media campaign this week has been about fathers. It’s a little early to celebrate fathers since Father’s Day is three months away, but since no great athlete has ever turned to the camera and said, “Thanks, Dad” we think father’s deserve a little shout out now and again.

I’m a father of nine children. This is a photo of all of them. I’m in the throes of fathering ages three through twenty-one. My day consists of toddlers climbing on me and giving me kisses, young children asking me to read to them and to look at this drawing or that leaf or rock they have found, teenagers who tell me I’m wrong and that I just don’t understand but that I'm still an awesome dad, and adult children who periodically say, “I’m glad that you taught me that.” It’s a full spectrum.

There are days I feel unwanted and unappreciated. But most days I feel loved. I’m learning that fatherhood is a roller coaster with dramatic ups and terrifying downs. There are a lot of days I wish I could do more to help my children succeed; to find more time to be with them and play with them, to help them understand not to waste potential or squander a single minute of precious life.

I love being a father but it’s not easy. It’s far more than a full time job and if you want to do it well, there are sacrifices to be made. But in the end, when one of the grown children says, “I’m glad you taught me that!” I know that I’m on the right track.

So, to all the fathers out there, keep up the good work.

Teenagers and Advice

Last night my seventeen-year-old son came in asking me about his artwork. He was dissatisfied that the drawing wasn’t as he wanted. He asked for my opinion. I started giving it and he started arguing with me, standing over me and telling me I was wrong. I finally said, “This isn’t fun. You ask for my opinion and when I give it you get mad at me. What do you really want me to say?”

He sat down and calmly said, “I want you to say “Taylor, that’s a good drawing. Good job. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.’”

I think I’m a little slow. However, in more ways than one I’m starting to figure it out. 

Gifts for Your Parents

One of our authors who runs the Story@Home conference recently talked about a gift she gave her father—a keepsake book created with a small company called Cherish/Bound. She started this company a few years ago to help people capture their family memories and have them published as gifts.

She said, “I gave my dad a keepsake book for Father’s Day last year. He keeps a collection of our family stories on a tidy shelf in his office, but last year’s Father’s Day book has stayed out on the desk. Sometimes I see it in the living room where he spends a lot of his day. I’ve even seen it on the nightstand in his room. He looks at it often.”

At Familius we love it when children connect with parents and this sounded like a great idea as Mother’s and Father’s Day are upcoming. She’s provided a special discount for any Familius family member who wishes to create a special keepsake book. Here are the specifics:

1.      Go to www.cherishbound.com:

2.     In the Cherish|Bound publishing center, click on “create a new book” (you can set up an account with just your email, and yes, it’s free.);

3.     Pick the Storybook Series and scroll down to Father’s Day 2010 (Don’t worry about the year);

4.     When the book loads it will come up with pre-loaded questions. Answer as many as you like. Upload a photo to go with your thoughts – or don’t. He’ll love what you wrote, with or without a photo to go with it. Repeat the process for a few more pages.

5.     When you’re done, use this code to get a discount when you submit your book: GRADDAD11

6.     Have it shipped to you – or you can send it directly to your father.

Enjoy. 

The Rule of Four

A number of Familius family members have asked that the Pater provide more information about his own family. Fine. We will do so. But with purpose.

Today's blog is The Rule of Four, which is the 45-degree angle imposed by the Mater when driving ten of our eleven family members in one car. (Other than a few small school buses, neither Detroit nor Japan consider our family size within their market demographic.)

As words don't convey the true explanation of the Rule of Four we've provided this short video. 

If you have a specific rule that you think helps your family be happy and succeed, please film it and email us the link. 

The Terminator

It’s 1:00 a.m. and my six-year-old comes downstairs to my office and says, “I’ve lost my kung-fu superpowers. Can you read me a book?”

“Of course,” I say. It’s so much easier to sit and read a book with him in the middle of the night when he’s lost his superpowers than when his eight other siblings are running around screaming, playing, conniving, strategizing and destroying any housework we try to accomplish and he needs superpowers to be heard and seen.

“Here,” I say, “let me read you this book.” We read and he sits on my lap, quiet, a rare experience for us. A friend said to me recently, “Your son is Mr. Destruct-O. They’d tell you to medicate him if he were in public school.” Probably true. But he’s learned to read, upside down while standing on his head. And he can add faster than his older sister.

We’re sure he’s somewhere on one of those scales that communicate that he’s a bit different—a tad bit Tigger, a lot Terminator.

But at night, when everyone is asleep, and he’s lost his kung-fu powers, reading a story with him is just the thing to remind me that he’s one in seven billion and we love him just the way he is.