Familius

Patterns from 25,000 Feet

While flying from Chicago to California last week, I looked down to see patterns of farms stretching for miles. Some were patterned in circles. Other in rectangles and others in squares. Each pattern was created through irrigation. By irrigating in a circle, the farmer's crop grew in that pattern and could be seen from 25,000 feet.

We also have patterns created by how we irrigate--how we speak to others, how we speak to ourselves, whether we complement or criticize, inspire or tear down.

If you can take a moment and climb high enough, removing yourself from the day-to-day you can often discover these patterns. If they are green and sharp, well done. More of the same. If they are brown and splotchy, rethink your irrigation, both the system and what you use.

To read more about how patterns help families succeed consider Family Ever After by Michelle H. Packard. 

Your Lower Light

Most of us are familiar with lighthouses and how they work. Ships are brought safely into harbor by navigating toward the top light, which shines out at night affording ships direction.

Many of us fail to remember that there is a lower light as well on a light house, a light below the bright beam that shines across the sea. By aligning the top light with the lower light, the ship's captain has a straight navigational line to guide him past hidden reefs into the harbor.

Parents can act as both the lower and top light, each taking turns to ensure that their children can align to truth. It's essential that both remain lit or navigation can get tricky. Make sure that your lower light, whoever has that job for that day, stays lit.

Explore more about your critical role as a parent in Bil Lepp's Muddling Through: Perspectives on Parenting

Our Intentions

A lot of us intend to have a loving family. A lot of us intend to take our family on a vacation or spend more quality time together. A lot of us intend to buy our spouse flowers or write a kind note. A lot of us intend to do something for our neighbor who we know is having a hard time. Yes, we just never find the time.

As the Nike slogan says, “Just do it.” Nothing is really stopping you except your current prioritization.

“You can’t build a reputation on what you intend to do.” –Liz Smith

Do You Feel Like Crying?

I remember when our family struggled with some significant challenges. They were normal challenges that all families experience, but they seemed to be concentrated in a very short time period. My wife said, “Sometimes I feel like crying and giving up, but then I remember that while sometimes crying makes me feel better, crying and giving up never does any good. So I just get up and keep going.”

If your family is having a hard time, go ahead and cry, but don’t give up. Instead get up and go. You’ll be amazed at what you’ll accomplish and how you’ll inspire those around you by simply putting one foot in front of another. 

Be in the Moment

One of my mentors taught me to be in the moment. For someone who has always struggled with a brain that is distracted . . . (squirrel!), I’ve learned that working to be in the moment is even more critical today when we are constantly encouraged to multitask, which really is impossible as we can only focus on one thing at a time.

By being in the moment, time can slow down and we, ironically from today’s point of view, can get more quality work done.

Be in the moment.

“Winning is important to me, but what brings me real joy is the experience of being fully engaged in whatever I’m doing.” –Phil Jackson

No I in TEAM

In a weekly meeting someone reminded us of all the success we had been achieving and then said, “Remember, there is no I in TEAM.”

Families are teams. While made up of few or many individuals, focusing on our family goals, whether peace, education, service, saving for a family vacation, having weekly dinner together or a family night, what is required is the same thing that all good teams require—individual execution of assigned responsibility.

Help your family members to understand what their roles are and encourage them to succeed in those roles. Dads need to be dads. Moms need to be moms. Teenagers, whether we like it or not, should be teenagers. It’s their job and we all got to have that job and they should enjoy the opportunity of it and expect to learn from its challenges. Toddlers are toddlers, etc.

 It takes patience, education, and constant loving coaching. The result, however, is a family that can change the world around them for good because they are a team. 

Our Opinion of Potential

Sometimes we can focus so much on another’s inadequacies we fail to recognize the reality of their potential. It’s often the case that given enough time, people begin to believe what others say about them, whether positive or negative. If we receive enough negative reinforcement, our ability to consider an alternative is shrouded in a fog of unfair criticism.

While we have different skills and different levels of intelligence, it’s becoming more and more clear that achievement and success (and what success is is debatable) is more correlated to persistence than intelligence.

If we encourage and provide appropriate coaching, people are capable of far more than we often believe. 

What type of feedback do you provide?

Make the world a better place by appropriately encouraging those around you.

“If human beings are perceived as potentials rather than problems, as possessing strengths instead of weaknesses, as unlimited rather than dull and unresponsive, then they thrive and grow to their capabilities.” –Barbara Bush

CYA

We all seem to have a tendency to cover our a - - with emails, memos, meetings, phone calls, drop ins, etc . . .

The trick to any organization and family is to have enough confidence in each other that the need to CYA disappears. Families with high levels of trust achieve tremendous success. Those families with low levels of trust suffer. CYA is either a symptom of a lack of trust or a lack of confidence.

Build trust and confidence and everyone will be happier and more effective in what they want and need to do. 

30 Million Friends!

I read this weekend that some celebrities have more than 30 million Facebook friends. Another report suggested that at least half of these 30 million were fake friends, meaning that these accounts were fictitious people.

When I told my thirteen-year-old son this, he said, “Maybe they should just be a good friend rather than worrying about how many friends they have.”

Good advice. Rather than concentrate on how many “friends” or “followers” you have, consider focusing on the quality of those relationships. At the very least, that quality lets you know that your friends are real and not some fictional character. And being named Christopher Robbins I’m familiar with fictional characters. 

What is a Family

“Family:  A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.”  –Evan Esar