Choose your goals carefully
New Year, New You | Day Six: Choose Your Goals Thoughtfully
"Goal setting can be difficult. I have a young friend who couldn’t decide on a major in college, so she never set long-term goals. During her first two years of school, she floated from English to physics to business to veterinary medicine to, finally, prelaw. When I first saw her in a counseling setting, all she could do was berate herself for wasting her time and her money. She considered dropping out of school altogether just because she couldn’t make a decision.
"As we talked about her situation, she decided to take a semester off and visit experts in the vocations she thought might be interesting. Then she could return to school with a plan in mind, one she knew she really wanted to explore.
"After some introspection, she reframed her lack of focus into a period of discovery. She let go of her guilt because she knew that this decision wasn’t one she should make lightly. She’d be working in her chosen field for at least thirty years, and it needed to be something she loved.
"She decided to study every possibility carefully before setting her long-term goals."
From Christy Monson, author of Becoming Free: A Woman's Guide to Internal Strength
Be flexible when you plan
New Year, New You | Day Five: Be Flexible When You Plan
"Be open to change. It’s consistently part of life.
"A young, single client, Sophia, owned a thriving catering business. To manage her time, she tried setting personal goals, including things both at work and in her outside life. Often, she felt frustrated because she couldn’t accomplish her plan. Some days she didn’t have time to work out as she wished, and her reading goal had to be cut out all together when business got too busy. She was always at work. Holidays, religious celebrations, weddings—as much as she loved her job, the hectic schedule it imposed was usurping all of her personal time. How could she be consistent? How could she keep up?
"She struggled as she shared her dilemma with me, but eventually she came up with a plan. She laid out her yearly calendar, assessed the previous year’s volume of business for each month, and set her objectives accordingly. During the busy months she developed a short list of goals. For example, she kept her spiritual reading to fifteen minutes a day, and she spent her lunchtime at the gym. When work slowed down, she spent an hour in spiritual study and meditation, and she completed a full-body workout at the gym after work hours.
"Sophia is in the busy season of her life’s work. As her business grows, she can add employees and restructure her time as she wishes. Evaluation, brainstorming, and follow-through help Sophia consistently set her short-term goals in order for her to accomplish her long-term plans."
From Christy Monson, author of Becoming Free: A Woman's Guide to Internal Strength
Involve others in your goals
New Year, New You | Day Four: Involve Others in Your Goals
"Taking time for reflection can be personal, but it can also be done in a group setting. Include others in your objectives. If reading is one of your goals, read a good book with family or friends. Form a book club. You’ll not only meet your reading goal, but you’ll develop great friendships along the way. Goals concerning food lend themselves to a group effort. The philosophy of positive thinking can yield success if incorporated in a family situation, with friends, or in the workplace. Sharing goals with others gives us additional support—and often facilitates friendships.
"Discussing your goals with those around you makes your commitment greater, because someone else knows about it. It makes you accountable to someone and gives you great support. Many times those around you have similar goals and are willing to share in your struggles and successes. They may also be willing to give you valuable observations that will advance your progress.
"Two heads are always better than one. Ask for feedback from others and brainstorm ideas for goal completion. It’s great to listen to ideas from those around you. It will expand your list of possibilities and give you lots of choices for setting your plan of action."
From Christy Monson, author ofBecoming Free: A Woman's Guide to Internal Strength
Be aware of your patterns
New Year, New You | Day Three: Be Aware of Your Patterns
"We need to be alert to our mode of planning. Look at past calendars and journals. What do you like about the way you set goals? What would you alter? List the changes you want to make and put them in a prominent place where you’ll see them often. Review them carefully at a routine time, like the first day of each month.
"What distractions take you off task? Vacations, holidays, family visits, houseguests, time with friends? But what if instead of looking at these as distractions, you incorporated them into your plan? Make them part of your long-term goals. If the unexpected visit of houseguests interrupts your weekly service goal, include the assistance you give your unplanned visitors as a substitute. Distractions can be incorporated into your successes if you include them in your long-term program."
From Christy Monson, author ofBecoming Free: A Woman's Guide to Internal Strength
We become what we think
New Year, New You | Day Two: We Become What We Think
"All of us participate in goal setting whether on a conscious or subconscious level. 'We are shaped by our thoughts. We become what we think' (Buddha).
"Samantha, age seventeen, came to therapy for depression. She constantly described herself as large and chubby. Words like this were so much a part of her thought process that she wasn’t even aware of her negative thinking. She had become what she thought about. She even bought her clothes a size too big because she was so ashamed of her shape. For Samantha to change her life, she had to set a long-term goal to change her thinking.
"Become aware of your own thoughts just like Samantha did. Are they positive or negative? Do you like them as they are, or would you like to change them? Keep the positive and release the negative. Proactively decide the direction you want your life to take so you’re not swept along with the daily tide of life."
From Christy Monson, author ofBecoming Free: A Woman's Guide to Internal Strength
It's the start of a new year! Ready to set some goals?
New Year, New You | Day One: Happy 2014!
The start of a fresh, infant year brings with it the opportunity for new goals and new beginnings. What will you make of 2014? To aid you in your goal-setting efforts, our next series of Minute Inspirations will feature goal-setting advice from retired family therapist Christy Monson. To kick off the new year, let's start with a gentle reminder from Christy:
"As I have worked with people over the years, I have been fascinated by the different ways people order their lives. Some waft with the wind and others try to control every minute detail of the circumstances that surround them. Many that approach life in these extreme ways tend to give up their goals if they don’t succeed the first time.
"People who do find success usually have a dogged determination to make their goals happen. We cheer these tenacious people on because they give us hope.
"One of the reasons we love fictional characters so much is because we anticipate their success. Many great novelists employ a secret called the 'try-fail' cycle. The protagonist must fail twice before he finally finds the courage to succeed. We cheer our hero on because he has failed and fought back until he finds prosperity.
"I like using this model in my own life. After I experience failure, I realize that my life is not over—it will not be the death of me. I dig deep inside myself, determined to overcome, and then, when I do finally accomplish my goal, it’s all the sweeter.
"In the end it’s not the failure or success that’s important. It’s the process that makes you who you are. Courage, determination, and fortitude are the keys to taking your life in the direction you want it to go."
From Christy Monson, author of Becoming Free: A Woman's Guide to Internal Strength
The life in your years
As we come to the end of another year, perhaps something Abraham Lincoln said will give us pause to reflect: "In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." What will you do in 2014 to bring more life to your family?
Love goes beyond justice
“Family life is too intimate to be preserved by the spirit of justice. It can be sustained by a spirit of love which goes beyond justice" (Reinhold Niebuhr).
Take time to really be present
I have always loved to perform, and when I am on stage in front of an audience, I am completely immersed in that moment. I live and breathe the feelings and emotions; I follow my heart and do what feels right. These moments on stage are part of who I am, but the majority of life happens offstage, behind the scenes. I often catch myself wanting to hurry this stage of life, looking forward to the next stage instead of just enjoying the moment for what it offers. How often do we follow our heart or really immerse ourselves in our daily lives? I remind myself often to take time to really be present, to find joy in the little things that make life big, and to celebrate each moment for the gift it truly is.
By Chantelle Adams, mother-author of Deliberate Motherhood
Moments...that's all we have
Last night I stood in the doorway of our living room and watched the thrum of our house—the hum of living that comes with five children. The kitchen sink was full of dishes. Goldfish crackers were crumbled into the carpet. Puzzles, books, and building blocks scattered the floor, but my girls were dancing—wild and free—a flurry of limbs and laughter. A favorite song tripped a happy rhythm from the stereo, and I mused as both boys kicked and snapped their legs in an attempt to hoist themselves onto the coffee table. When they finally stood triumphant, they looked toward me at the same second and smiled, just to make sure I was watching. I clapped, blew them a kiss, and then leaned long against the doorframe.
Moments. That’s all we have.
And I let the peace of this one warm me straight through.
By Catherine Arveseth, mother-author of Deliberate Motherhood