Family happiness is about progress, not perfection
Last week I attended a school music concert by elementary and secondary students. It was, I suppose, about what you'd normally expect to see: small printed programs, happy expectant parents, and, quite honestly, lots of cringe-worthy notes. The conductor flailed his arms around in a futile effort to control the group, which by a few minutes into the concert had become a freight train that roared along to one beat only—the frenetic pace of twenty excited kids.
But it was the very conductor that intrigued me. In the midst of this musical bedlam that only child musicians can conjure, he whirled along with the rest of them, a happy hub to the chaotic creativity positively flowing off the stage. You could tell he loved what he was doing. He loved the kids. And they loved him back. He wasn't up there beating for perfection—he was hoping for progress. A few more right notes than last time. Maybe actually ending together. He was happy that, for a few minutes at least, a group of kids was embracing the elevation of classical music. And for me, no matter how many wrong notes came off that stage, I loved what I was witnessing.
In an age steeped in competition and achievement and perfection, his philosophy is something to think about. Family life is about progress, not perfection. Our homes don't have to match the inside of a design magazine. Our kids don't have to be dressed like they walked off the set of a Disney Channel show. We can stand at the happy hub of swirling family chaos and be at peace, content that there is simply progress.
By David Miles, Familius Digital Director
Puzzled by your child? Try looking inside yourself.
The fact that we don't know the reasons behind children's behavior doesn't mean that there are not reasons at all. It may just mean that we need to take a moment from our busy lives to reconnect with the child we have inside, who may still need to be understood, and in that way get to understand the rest of the children.
Saturday Home Help: The Kitchen Counter
Saturday Home Help: The Kitchen Counter
There is a reason you will see a bread machine for sale at almost every yard sale: it’s one of those appliances that seems like a good idea, but unless you use it regularly, it just takes up valuable counter space. Cluttered counter space is one of the main reasons your kitchen is probably not as organized and efficient as it could be. They key to clean counters is to purge the whole kitchen to make space to put things that are currently on the counter away.
Things that should be on the counter:
• Appliances that are used daily. In our house, this is a toaster and a small bullet-style blender. I use my large mixer, the rice cooker, and a few other appliances several times a week, but they are stored on the floor of the pantry or in a cupboard.
• Knife block. Keeping knives handy during preparation saves time and doesn’t take up a lot of space. The knife block I have also has a few other handy utensils.
• Utensil container with preparation utensils that are used almost daily such as spatulas, big spoons, and tongs. Even better, invest in a wall-mounted utensil holder that keeps counters free.
• Liquid hand soap dispenser by the sink.
• Paper towel dispenser. Better yet, see if you can find a paper towel holder that mounts under the counter or on the inside of a cupboard door that would work in your kitchen.
From Laura Torres, author of The Organized Mom.
Parenting in the Digital Age
During this year's Sundance Film Festival, one of the themes is how technology is affecting our society. In the documentary film "Love Child" the story is told of a couple who regularly left their 3-month-old daughter alone for up to ten hours at a time while they went to a local cafe to play an online game where they raised a virtual child in a fantasy world. Ironic? Yes.
Tragically, while they were successfully raising their virtual child each night, their real infant died of neglect and the couple was charged and convicted of manslaughter.
While technology is a tremendous tool for progress and efficiency, such tech addictions have become more and more prevalent in our society. Gaming and technology can often get in the way of real, fruitful, human relationships.
In all of our interest in finding more time to become more productive and have, well, more, we should not forget that the time we spend with our families is the most important time.
Try real gaming--teaching a child to read, or cook, or build a shed, or to fish, or start a business, or plant a garden, or learn calculus, or the piano, or help someone in need, or look at the stars through a telescope, or view a leaf through a magnifying glass . . .
The Communication Miracle
Every day on the drive home from my Daniel’s kindergarten class, I would ask him how his day was. I always received a prompt “fine.” I soon learned if I wanted to retrieve anything from my son’s inquisitive mind about his life, his tender emotions, or his concerns, I was going to have to dig. I would rack my brain thinking of specific questions and would latch onto any response I was given. Still, I would find a serious lack of introspect into his curious mind and life. A few weeks into the year, I stumbled upon something miraculous.
Daniel and I were making cookies just for fun. They were chocolate chip, which is his favorite. I didn’t do any probing or ask any questions but as the flour dust floated through the air, out of nowhere he began opening up to me. He told me between gooey chocolaty snitches that his recess football team kept losing and he had a crush on a girl and thought he might marry her, and then he told me about what he did at “centers” during school. We discovered that Daniel didn’t actually know the rules of football or even really how to play football. We told him that he didn’t need to worry about getting married until he was done with college, and learned his favorite part of centers was tracing dinosaurs.
I was floored at the buckets of information that had just been poured onto me, and an obvious realization hit me. If I want to know my kids and spouse—their problems and their lives—a two-minute conversation on the way home from school or a quick phone call, isn’t going to suffice. When we analyze the things that are most important, it becomes apparent they all require our time.
An excerpt from Michelle Packard's book Family Ever After.
Let's start doing!
Here's a favorite saying from Ben Fox, author of the forthcoming book The Great and the Grand:
"When it's all said and done, the sayers will have lost and the doers will have won."
Is there something you or your family have talked about doing, but need to actually do? There's no time like the present!
Your child's eyes—enjoy the view down there!
This year's winter is gearing up to be a tough one, and if you've heard the phrase "Polar vortex" anytime in the last week or two, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
We lived in Pennsylvania when I was a kid, and every so often some moisture from the South would combine with artice air from Canada and we'd have a classic Nor'easter: blowing winds, drifting snow, and no school! For me and my six siblings, that meant a whole day to play, a get-out-of-jail-free card—eight blissful hours of sledding, building, fortressing, and putting off homework.
For Mom, of course, "no school!" meant seven lunches to fix, seven missing boots to find, seven sets of wet footprints trailing around the house, and, a few snowballs and lots of tears later, at least one or two children to console. It meant a house full of hyperactive kids and lots of unchecked boxes on her to-do list.
And that's the remarkable thing, because Mom never seemed to mind. Snow days were a celebration! She made us pancakes in morning, took pictures of our snowmen, and was just as excited when the Weather Channel heralded another incoming storm.
In short, Mom could see things the way we did—and that's a magical gift. If you saw the world through your child's eyes, what would you see? Would their fears become more real to you? Their dreams more important? Their accomplishments more triumphant?
It takes some doing to adopt the eyes of a child, but the view down there is spectacular.
By David Miles, Familius Digital Director
Find out what your family loves
I love it when my husband helps me with my creative projects, and he loves it when I go fishing with him. Neither of us loves the other’s hobby, but we love each other. We love making each other happy and we love being together. In order to show our loved ones that what is important to them is important to us, we must actually know what is important to them. I know it is important to my four-year-old to read her stories. I know it is important to listen to my nine-year-old and help her with creative projects. If we want to know what is important to our loved ones, it is important to pay attention, listen, and inquire. Sometimes, that means we have to stop doing what we are doing and refocus our attention on our family.
Once we figure out what is important to our family, we can take action. We have to get brave and creep out of our comfort zone. Go to the ball game or learn the rules of football. Bake a cake together, build a bookshelf, play pirates, do an art project, or dance in the living room like there is no tomorrow. There is no togetherness in families that are always doing their own thing separate from one another. Quell the temptation to stay safe in your zone by doing something with your loved ones that they love.
An excerpt from Michelle Packard's book Family Ever After.
Sing to your little ones—the words don't matter
My father was not a musical man, but he sang to his children almost every night. We fell asleep to “The Yellow Rose of Texas” and “The Halls of Montezuma,” odd choices since Dad was not a Marine and never lived in Texas. We didn’t care; we loved it. My husband isn’t musical either, but he often crooned the theme to “The Pink Panther” to our daughters, substituting do-doo-de-dip-de-do for lyrics. They loved it. And after our first grandchild was born last summer, I held her in my arms and hummed “Oh, Shenandoah.” Another random choice, but the words don’t much matter. Nor does the tune, really. The important thing is that singing to our little ones strengthens the tensile bonds between parents, grandparents, and the children we love.
By Catherine Fitzpatrick, author of the forthcoming Going on Nine.
Saturday Home Help: Organization When Space Seems Scarce
If you live in a place where there is little designated storage space, you can create some with a little ingenuity.
• Line a wide hallway or, for a cleaner look, enclosed, narrow cabinets with shelves.
• Over-the-door organizers can be placed on doors of coat closets, pantries, linen closets, bedroom closets, and even kids’ bedroom doors.
• Utilize the space under beds with roll-out containers or large, flat bins.
• There is almost always space underneath staircases that can be opened up if necessary.
• If your kitchen cupboards are not attached to the ceiling, make use of the space between the cupboards and the ceiling by storing items in baskets that fit the space.
• You can almost double the space in a larger closet by adding rolling, freestanding shelving units.
• Fill suitcases with out-of-season clothing, extra blankets, towels, etc.
• Take advantage of furniture that can also serve as storage. If you invest in a bench for your entry, make sure it doubles as a chest to store boots, rain gear, mittens, scarves, and umbrellas. For the living room, there are many ottomans available that have storage inside, and end tables with no storage underneath can be skirted to hide stored items.
From The Organized Mom, by Laura Torres.